January 20 2009 Bird droppings create problems for city

Bird droppings create problems for city
Residents of this Cali town feel "like they are living in the movie 'The Birds.'" Citizens try to get their shopping in early before the murder descends upon the town in the waning daylight hours. City officials take no responsibility for Mother Nature and refuse to clean the droppings layered on streets, cars and jungle gyms.

In positive news:
A nod of praise should be extended to the Mississippi paper, the Meridian Star, which finally apologized for its bad journalism during the civil rights movement on January 18th, 2009. Look forward to controversial pieces on social injustice very soon.

... while we can't go back and undo some past wrongs, we can offer our sincere apology -- and promise never again to neglect our responsibility to inform you, our readers, about the human rights and dignity every individual is entitled to in America -- no matter their religion, their ethnic background or the color of their skin.

They also worked in a lame comparison of the civil rights movement AND Barack Obama's inauguration to the bipartisan-less support of GWBush after 9-11. I thought it was also a little tasteless to preface the apology with the following quote by MLK.
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."
Apologies look more sincere when your refrain from qualifying them.

June 30 2008 Furry outhouse among tops in race

If news of the administration gathering momentum for war in Iran was a little heavy for weekend reading or you are a bit nervous about that Swiss Bank account awash in untaxed earnings, don't worry.
Infinitely more entertaining is this video of an outhouse race in Minnesota.
As for the atom-smasher that could swallow Earth, I have no video diversion to recommend.

April 25 2008 180 minutes without solitude

Here I am in the hotbed of CNN, the greasy Hot-lanta airport, where even at 5:55 in the morning, wide screen TVs screech CNN at every gate. To ensure you hear the latest non-news instead of resorting to pleasant conversation with your fellow travelers, reading a book of your choice, catching up on some sleep or just listening to your own thoughts, the Hot-lanta Airport places inescapable loud speakers in the ceiling at 10 foot intervals. Your only recourse is to tuck your tail between your legs and seek refuge in some uncontaminated crevice, but alas CNN has inserted CNN News Kiosks in the last remaining unspoilt nooks. The kiosks are complete with 2 wide screen CNN screeching TVs at volumes set for the legally deaf and an LED ticker for the latest headlines. Some obnoxious reporter is cackling about a man caught on video pissing into the gas tank of a car in a parking garage. "tinkling"- that's the preferred terminology for this hour. Only the passage of time will deliver me from this evil place.

March 19 2008 Student forced to pee in Lunchbox

This expose pretty much speaks for itself showing, yet again, CNN's obsession with bringing stupid people stories of even stupider people. A Florida teacher is under fire for teaching life skills and hard choices. The kids all want the teacher fired, but they're probably overzealous after having just learned creationism.