January 20 2009 Bird droppings create problems for city

Bird droppings create problems for city
Residents of this Cali town feel "like they are living in the movie 'The Birds.'" Citizens try to get their shopping in early before the murder descends upon the town in the waning daylight hours. City officials take no responsibility for Mother Nature and refuse to clean the droppings layered on streets, cars and jungle gyms.

In positive news:
A nod of praise should be extended to the Mississippi paper, the Meridian Star, which finally apologized for its bad journalism during the civil rights movement on January 18th, 2009. Look forward to controversial pieces on social injustice very soon.

... while we can't go back and undo some past wrongs, we can offer our sincere apology -- and promise never again to neglect our responsibility to inform you, our readers, about the human rights and dignity every individual is entitled to in America -- no matter their religion, their ethnic background or the color of their skin.

They also worked in a lame comparison of the civil rights movement AND Barack Obama's inauguration to the bipartisan-less support of GWBush after 9-11. I thought it was also a little tasteless to preface the apology with the following quote by MLK.
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."
Apologies look more sincere when your refrain from qualifying them.

July 30 2008 44-pound stray cat bulges out of box

Two newsworthy cat stories tonight.
Jesus' face seen in kitten's swirly fur if you lick its belly fur in place and take a picture of it. see also kitten with fur text.

44-pound cat found

1948 letter found in postal machinery
Bear stuck in jug is shot
the bear was followed for 6 days and over 60 miles with a plastic jar over its head. Attempts at tranquilizing and trapping the bear failed the report claims. They had 6 days and 60 miles!
Body found in airliner's restroom

July 29 2008 Airport screeners trained to read emotions

Legend now paints with tennis balls Navratilova polka dots canvas with painted tennis balls. "When someone does it to the point where it looks easy, that's art."
Airport screeners trained to read emotions
Creators drop Scrabble Web knockoff - aah scrabulous

earthquake overload-

Astrologer didn't predict quake :51

Quake interrupts TV taping :45

Governor: 'We were very lucky' 2:11

Los Angeles earthquake 2:34

'I was bouncing around' 3:34

Quake shakes backyard 1:10

Earthquake makes messy desk

'It was very scary'

June 26 2008 Women spin atop escalator handrails

Women spin atop escalator handrails the mini coopster delivers hard hitting journalism when he asks a staffer to reenact an escalator swivel trick.

A report out shows that the major news networks have drastically cut back Iraq war news coverage this year.

"Almost halfway into 2008, the three newscasts have shown 181 weekday minutes of Iraq coverage, compared with 1,157 minutes for all of 2007. The “CBS Evening News” has devoted the fewest minutes to Iraq, 51, versus 55 minutes on ABC’s “World News” and 74 minutes on “NBC Nightly News.” (The average evening newscast is 22 minutes long.)"

In related/unrelated news: here is an interesting article about Ronald Reagan's son, the conservative talk show host, who has repeatedly advocated the death of "a traitor" on the air by firing squad, even saying he would buy the bullets.
"Tie him to a post, don't blindfold him, let it rip and have some fun with Mark Dice."

And by traitor, he means someone who leads The Resistance, a christian media watchdog group, whose latest project, Operation Inform the Soldiers, sends letters/DVDs to the troops in Iraq with information about 9/11 being an inside job. Here's a youtube video of him on FOX, which is amazing. I can't even believe he was given the platform to express himself as long as he was before being told that he is part of a fringe sect and his efforts (called hate mail by the impartial host) will be thrown in the toilet and the troops who are there fighting the Iranian-backed militia know why they are there. I mean, duh. We all know we are in Iraq because Iran has WMDs.

June 6 2008 Surviving a flight with your baby or toddler

From Cnn's ever helpful "Busy Moms Staying afloat" series, suggestions for air travel with your tot.
Really solid suggestions like scheduling flights during nap time, unless your kid doesn't have a consistent nap schedule in which case don't schedule the flight during nap time.
Amuse your child with a crinkled, empty bag.
Bring extra snacks as reparations for the unfortunate passengers who have to sit next to you and your kid.
"Remember that flight attendants are handling food and therefore can't also touch dirty diapers, Pantley said. Plus, she said, they probably don't want to."

May 21 2008 Arrest ends pilot's nude romp in the woods

These young kids were just having a little fun. A pilot took a flight attendant to the woods after boozing her up at a local diner and they lost their clothes. Thanks to alarmed neighbors and the heat-seeking equipment on a local helicopter, the pilot was found crouched behind a shed in only "flip flops and a wrist watch". She was charged with theft and "other offenses", but the article does not explain.

May 8 2008 Crop Circles Cause Mystery

Oh poor Mikey. He's so eager and enthusiastic in this clip as he reports on "cwop stircles". Very cute. Very sensational. Over the top with alliteration.

April 25 2008 180 minutes without solitude

Here I am in the hotbed of CNN, the greasy Hot-lanta airport, where even at 5:55 in the morning, wide screen TVs screech CNN at every gate. To ensure you hear the latest non-news instead of resorting to pleasant conversation with your fellow travelers, reading a book of your choice, catching up on some sleep or just listening to your own thoughts, the Hot-lanta Airport places inescapable loud speakers in the ceiling at 10 foot intervals. Your only recourse is to tuck your tail between your legs and seek refuge in some uncontaminated crevice, but alas CNN has inserted CNN News Kiosks in the last remaining unspoilt nooks. The kiosks are complete with 2 wide screen CNN screeching TVs at volumes set for the legally deaf and an LED ticker for the latest headlines. Some obnoxious reporter is cackling about a man caught on video pissing into the gas tank of a car in a parking garage. "tinkling"- that's the preferred terminology for this hour. Only the passage of time will deliver me from this evil place.