May 8 2009 Oprah coupon has KFC diners hungry for more

There are many reasons why I find CNN news irritating and I would like to take a moment to share some of my top grievances.
1.non-news
2.prevalence of obesity stories
3.prevalence of fast food stories
4.journalistic sources like "Oprah"
5.news about what was on TV recently, especially reality tv or talk shows
6.cost cutting tips for housewives, which is to say any story in the "living" section
7. prevalence of mob or mob mentality stories
8. blatant lies/gross misrepresentation of history, recent or otherwise
9. confusing misleading or otherwise disorienting headlines
10. flagrant parading of our cultural recession and capitalizing on that erosion with cnn t-shirts


Today's story included possibly 9 out of 10 ! Yes, Oprah gave away coupons to KFC for a gratis grilled chicken dinner with two sides and a biscuit! Simply download the coupon which was available for a 24 hour period and present it to one of your neighborhood KFCs for the new grilled version of the perfectly rounded meal before May 19th (excluding Mother's Day, you cheapos!) Oprah did not fully know what havoc her gracious offer would bring. The web page was clogged and many could not download the coupon. Local KFC restaurants had inconvenient lines longer than polling stations on election day and many ran out of the grilled delicacy promising customers that the coupons would gladly be redeemed in the future when the cold storage semi truck comes again next Tuesday. Shannon Edwards of Baltimore said of the whole disaster "I'm a big girl, I like to eat. So I'm kind of disappointed I have to go to McDonald's now." Because of the mob, KFC has announced its "rain check policy" for the Oprah Kentucky grilled chicken fiasco which requires coupon holders to go to KFC and pick up a rain check form, fill it out, relinquish the original coupon to the store manager (or for the suspicious -relinquish 42 cents and an envelope) by May 19th and they will, at some unannounced time in the future, receive the original free dinner as advertised AND a free Pepsi for all incurred inconveniences. This means you have to go to KFC a total of 3 times for your free fantasy meal and once they get you in there you know you're sporking over cold hard cash for some of the colonel's spiced salted fat.

Also in the news today, a roundup of your favorite reality tv "news":
Will 'Jon & Kate' feature cheating rumors?
'Real Housewives' dish on catfights
TLC's 'Kate' deals with rumors of husband's cheating 'privately'
'Idol's' Allison inspired by Kelly Clarkson

and
British retailer admits bra boob-oo
Marks & Spencer apologizes if you were charged more if you bought more fabric


Thank you to all who waited patiently through my hiatus. Hopefully I will be back to drawing the news on a true weekdaily schedule.

April 25 2008 'Bee tornado' chases patrons from store

Tom Cruise returning to 'Oprah' if only they could get the rights for this T-shirt. $$$$
Prank promotes sex, booze after prom because sex, booze after prom would never occur without a grease-stained prank letter.
Ticker: Bill Clinton acting 'bizarre,' says Dem political analysis?
Kids battle over sweaty Beckham jersey eww
'Bee tornado' chases patrons from store
the article said it was in the parking lot of a restaurant, but who's actually reading full articles these days.

April 4 2008 Pregnant Man stuns Oprah audience

I love this story. This is a report on the reaction of Oprah audience members as they are fed misinformation aka "a miracle." Fabulous! Oprah's guests are a couple expecting a baby, only the husband is pregnant, not the wife, only the husband is a trans-gendered female on testosterone therapy. So, basically, this isn't a pregnant man, but a pregnant female taking high doses of testosterone. Take a nap while watching the Oprah audience members drop their jaws and mouth the word "what?".

April 1 2008 Things a Stepmother should never say

Just how bad is CNN news reporting? Today it outsourced a major headline to Oprah.com. Yes, this article originated on Oprah.com and CNN picked it up because . . . because. . .well, just because. The only good part of this article is they somehow paid Edie Falco enough to pose for the photo. MAJOR FILLER ALERT! In other CNN.com headlines today: Jessica Simpson is out of the hospital, your April Fool's day pranks (which is just a cheap solicitation for you to do CNN's reporting for them), Woman accused of stalking John Cusack and Ballpark of Legos took 7 years to make.