November 7 2008 Girl, 9, kicked off bus miles from home

This post is dedicated to Jerry and friends. Sorry for the lapse in posts- I just could not endure CNN's soul dissolving election coverage.

Little Cyrena (pronounced Serena) was kicked off the bus in Shrewsbury on the corner of Route 9 and South street for utter lack of disherplen. This was miles from her Route 20 home. Do not fear parents for Donald Davidson Jr. will never drive school buses in Shrewsbury again!

also of importance:
Michelle's dress: Love it? Hate it?
Obama's girls about to go into fishbowl
Stick, skateboard, doll enter Toy Hall of Fame
Honda unveils wearable robotic walker
Armed guards keep watch over churches - this should busy the idle hands of the military industrial complex

June 17 2008 Boy Abandoned at Wal-Mart With a Note

Boy Abandoned at Wal-Mart With a Note

Nancy Grace reports in this video with some of the best Gracisms I could stand to watch. The way she says"thu bay-bee" is not to be missed. She also claims the woman who dropped off the boy was overweight with her hair pulled back and therefore affluent enough to raise a child, steamrolling through what most people conversly recognize as a symptom of poverty. Another fine example of sensationalism delivered with crazy-eyed stone-faced hatred.

May 13 2008 Feds: Girl, 12, trained to work as dominatrix

Certainly a bittersweet abuse. What tweenage girl has the opportunity to smack around mom's loser boyfriend.
And in other good bad news coverage today :

• Overweight nude to set art world record
• Woman fights bobcat, pins it to ground
• 1 in 3 workers hung over at the office
• Dad jailed after daughter fails test

April 30 2008 Fritzl vacations with lacerated pram, soccer-ball eyed squid, filth baby, thai masseuses; dreams of incest horror house

Thank you to Kelly W., Jasmine, SWAM and Toby Leah Bochan for crucial abetment. Your counsel was the only thing that assisted in narrowly averting my mid-week crisis.
Here are the links:
Incest dad vacationed while kids locked up watch video of speedo-clad Fritzl's Thai massage on the beach
Love, then marriage, then hubby in baby carriage
Colossal squid has soccer-ball eyes
Baby found in house riddled with filth Nancy reports!
NHL player lacerates spleen during game

April 17 2008 Kids put in dryer and tumbled, police say

Lumped together, today's articles form a corpulent carcass of adumbrated non-news. Toss it in the mass grave of Cnn's oeuvre.
In the video clip entitled Teens cuddle odd rodent found on road , a Cnn reporter declaims, a "not too savvy cavy" (groan) was found in Oregon by some not too mean teens.
A 26 toilet mansion planned causes stink in Connecticut.
For sale: Land next to HOLLYWOOD sign pretty accurately exemplifies the Los Angeles real estate inflation curve. What was purchased for $1.7 million in 2002 is a reasonable $22 million in 2008.
Lover asks 'bus girl' to be his bus wife no, he literally calls her bus girl and literally asks her to be his bus wife.
Kim Cattrall makes a 'Masterpiece' begins as a plug for the PBS Rudyard Kipling biopic but quickly explodes into a reminiscence of Sex in the City the series and an advertisement for Sex in the City the movie.
Foreclosures raise West Nile risk gives a phone number to call and report abandoned pools in your hood.
Mama Duck saves stuck ducks. another report on animals in the road. yawn.
And as illustrated, Kids put in dryer and tumbled, cops say . Note the macabre Kara Walker style silhouettes. The accused parents claim it was just fun.

April 15.5 2008 Pit bulls kill cancer boy's miniature horse

Reader Request:

I was petitioned via email today for a CNN is like the worst "news" source. Ever. rendering of a moth-eaten Cnn headline. I played a little game of "guess that request" with the submitted screenshot. I thought it was the goo-house, and then I thought, no, surely this person wants the unflinching stone face of Condi. Oh no, wait, it's a Goodfellas goodbye to Guilliani. But once my brain combined pit bull + cancer boy + miniature horse = TNT and subsequently exploded, I knew I had to read no further.

A miniature horse named "Anniversary" was annihilated by a pack of pit bulls on the loose. As if that wasn't sad enough, the horse was a gift to a toddler-aged brain cancer patient (aka "cancer boy") from the Make A Wish Foundation, which lacks the funds to replace the horse or provide psychiatric counseling to the traumatized tot. Leave it to CNN.com to take a sad, horrific story and churn out a humorously befuddling headline.

I hope this drawing is all that you hoped. (Sicko!)

April 10 2008 Principal had teens, porn, pot, cops say

Thank you CNN. Thank you for alerting me that not so famous person and not so famous person's kid sister are now engaged. Thank you for letting me know I can count on you for the latest Masters scores and I don't have to wait until its over. Thank you for telling me that its actually not that difficult to cut through someone's neck with a handsaw but bodies don't burn all that well. Thank you for alerting me to the black lab mix up at an Oregon kennel.
But thank you most of all, CNN, for Nancy Grace.
Oh Nancy, don't get so huffy. The guy took the teens out for wine coolers and let them watch the first 5 minutes of Alvin and the Chipmunks. Cute!

March 28 2008 Aunt charged in murder too obese for jail

How fabulous is Nancy Grace, with her sensationalized delivery of each and every sentence, her seizure inducing graphics, and that charming yet authoritative way she beats her desk with a bic pen like it was a gavel. In this clip, Nancy has no less than 4 analysts assisting her point of view. I love that Nancy berates the aunt for being fat and lounging at home and then chastises an analyst for a fat joke. The story under this 1000 lb expose of sensational outrage: a morbidly obese woman kills her 2 year old nephew. The 27 year old was arraigned in her bedroom yesterday and claims the boy got stuck under the bed, which doesn't quite explain the multiple skull fractures. The mother, 20, left her toddler and 2 younger, yes! younger than 2 years old, children with the bed-ridden sister. The mother was also charged in the death for failure to protect her child. Nancy really gets her feather's ruffled over the thought of this woman skipping out on jail. The lady can't get out of bed due to her weight, she's in jail already. "I hope you're watching lady!"

March 19 2008 Student forced to pee in Lunchbox

This expose pretty much speaks for itself showing, yet again, CNN's obsession with bringing stupid people stories of even stupider people. A Florida teacher is under fire for teaching life skills and hard choices. The kids all want the teacher fired, but they're probably overzealous after having just learned creationism.

March 14 2008 Brother To Be Jailed Again For Sex With Sis

The teary couple Patrick and Susan S. seen in this video are brother and sister. The teary couple Patrick and Susan S. seen in this video are husband and wife. Aah Family. Unfortunately for them, German regulation makers believe incest should be punishable by law and Patrick is facing his third jail sentence of 30 months.
The best part of this expose is Juergen Kunze's crooked Eighties bow tie. Kunze is the professor of Human Genetics who speaks about the probability for disability in children of incest. He says in their study of 100 children of incest about 1/2 have disabilities. That's pretty much reinforced by Patrick and Susan's 2 disabled daughters from their 4, yes count them, FOUR daughters, spawned during their 6 year relationship, during which Patrick served 2 jail terms. Excuse me, but where exactly did the other 98 children of incest come from for Kunze's study?

March 7 2008 Mom charged in child power washing

The mother who was videotaped while spraying her 2 1/2-year-old daughter with a high-pressure water hose at an Orlando car wash on Feb. 24 has been arrested and charged with child abuse.
Since this happened SO long ago in internet news time I am assuming this is a follow up to the breaking news story that surely cnndotcrap did not over look। My favorite bite of the whole embarrassing enchilada is, of course, the mother's moniker: “car wash hose mom” Very New York Post. Check out the surveillance tape from Orlando NBC News affiliate!