May 8 2009 Oprah coupon has KFC diners hungry for more

There are many reasons why I find CNN news irritating and I would like to take a moment to share some of my top grievances.
1.non-news
2.prevalence of obesity stories
3.prevalence of fast food stories
4.journalistic sources like "Oprah"
5.news about what was on TV recently, especially reality tv or talk shows
6.cost cutting tips for housewives, which is to say any story in the "living" section
7. prevalence of mob or mob mentality stories
8. blatant lies/gross misrepresentation of history, recent or otherwise
9. confusing misleading or otherwise disorienting headlines
10. flagrant parading of our cultural recession and capitalizing on that erosion with cnn t-shirts


Today's story included possibly 9 out of 10 ! Yes, Oprah gave away coupons to KFC for a gratis grilled chicken dinner with two sides and a biscuit! Simply download the coupon which was available for a 24 hour period and present it to one of your neighborhood KFCs for the new grilled version of the perfectly rounded meal before May 19th (excluding Mother's Day, you cheapos!) Oprah did not fully know what havoc her gracious offer would bring. The web page was clogged and many could not download the coupon. Local KFC restaurants had inconvenient lines longer than polling stations on election day and many ran out of the grilled delicacy promising customers that the coupons would gladly be redeemed in the future when the cold storage semi truck comes again next Tuesday. Shannon Edwards of Baltimore said of the whole disaster "I'm a big girl, I like to eat. So I'm kind of disappointed I have to go to McDonald's now." Because of the mob, KFC has announced its "rain check policy" for the Oprah Kentucky grilled chicken fiasco which requires coupon holders to go to KFC and pick up a rain check form, fill it out, relinquish the original coupon to the store manager (or for the suspicious -relinquish 42 cents and an envelope) by May 19th and they will, at some unannounced time in the future, receive the original free dinner as advertised AND a free Pepsi for all incurred inconveniences. This means you have to go to KFC a total of 3 times for your free fantasy meal and once they get you in there you know you're sporking over cold hard cash for some of the colonel's spiced salted fat.

Also in the news today, a roundup of your favorite reality tv "news":
Will 'Jon & Kate' feature cheating rumors?
'Real Housewives' dish on catfights
TLC's 'Kate' deals with rumors of husband's cheating 'privately'
'Idol's' Allison inspired by Kelly Clarkson

and
British retailer admits bra boob-oo
Marks & Spencer apologizes if you were charged more if you bought more fabric


Thank you to all who waited patiently through my hiatus. Hopefully I will be back to drawing the news on a true weekdaily schedule.

June 24 2008 Men with 36.6-inch waists face fines

cnn.com takes this story of a society in which the government is taking preventative action to curb a societal ill and makes it into a joke. Ha Ha the Japanese government cares about the health and welfare of its citizens and holds corporations financially accountable if workers are unhealthy. Ha ha that's so funny because it would never happen here. I mean, if the Japanese government just let their people get fat and unhealthy and sick and then denied them decent affordable health care, then a select few could get really rich and the majority of the people would be too sick, scared, poor and apathetic to demand change. Like here.
And the headline is even wrong, the men don't face fines, the companies face the fines if the health of their employees does not improve.

June 10 2008 700-lb. man dreams of walk down aisle

Teen calls prom 'most wasteful event' that's one negatively charged headline for this report on a student's high-minded effort to host a "green prom". The student wanted to hold prom in the gym and give $10,000 to charity, an elevated idea that was quickly shot down. So she tried to get domestic flowers for decorations instead of crepe paper streamers, catered the event from whole foods, and tried to avoid cheap plastic trinket gifts like beach balls by handing out cheap plastic water bottles that may actually be used again. Ultimately, I'm just glad to see that the electric slide has not fallen into extinction.

700-lb. man dreams of walk down aisle
That would be awesome, considering the last time he tried to go out involved a tow truck to carry his bed which caught on some lighting conduits hanging from an underpass. (a non cnn article claims it was a post holding a shade tarp that hit the underpass) Uribe's 1000 lb weight gain "spiraled out of control after he moved to the United States for a few years in 1988 and indulged in a nonstop diet of junk food and soft drinks." (he is the world record holder of 1235 lbs, 550 of which he has lost with dieting and botched liposuction)

Hen living at McDonald's finally captured i'm not sure how this slipped by on monday

April 24 2008 Sam's Club, Costco limit bulk rice purchases

Sam's Club, Costco limit bulk rice purchases but not apocalypse proof powdered jelly filled donuts, Entenmann's crumb cakes, sticky buns and snausage dogs.

176-lb beauty squashes stereotypes Come on! bad bad bad headline exclusively for T-shirt profitability.

March 28 2008 Aunt charged in murder too obese for jail

How fabulous is Nancy Grace, with her sensationalized delivery of each and every sentence, her seizure inducing graphics, and that charming yet authoritative way she beats her desk with a bic pen like it was a gavel. In this clip, Nancy has no less than 4 analysts assisting her point of view. I love that Nancy berates the aunt for being fat and lounging at home and then chastises an analyst for a fat joke. The story under this 1000 lb expose of sensational outrage: a morbidly obese woman kills her 2 year old nephew. The 27 year old was arraigned in her bedroom yesterday and claims the boy got stuck under the bed, which doesn't quite explain the multiple skull fractures. The mother, 20, left her toddler and 2 younger, yes! younger than 2 years old, children with the bed-ridden sister. The mother was also charged in the death for failure to protect her child. Nancy really gets her feather's ruffled over the thought of this woman skipping out on jail. The lady can't get out of bed due to her weight, she's in jail already. "I hope you're watching lady!"