May 22 2008 Raped student DJs 'Hot for Teacher' night

Raped student DJs 'Hot for Teacher' night with his wife and former teacher, Mary Kay Letourneau. Later in the day, cnn removed "raped student" from the headline.

Anchor ribbed for music vid bubble bath whatever you do today please don't watch this video. SO BAD. One "news" anchor makes fun of another "news" anchor's jeans. In retribution, the anchor with offending denim shows a video of the other anchor in a bubble bath with some singer and he is mortified. I don't really know why because he claims that it was his twin brother. SO BAD. *just checked the link- it is no longer available!

These headlines pretty much say it all. Cnn's quest for tmz-ness will stop at nothing.

May 20 2008 Chase ends for tankini suspect

Less is so much more- no crass cnn commentary in this video, just plain cops-style footage of a suv on bare rims skidding to a halt on the Sacramento freeway. A woman with all business in the front and party in the back hair sports a hot pink mail order bikini and exits the vehicle. She proceeds to perform the cochroach on the pavement while being handcuffed. The video is really amazing and thank you to cnn for not offering any journalistic analysis, although the caption claims it was a "high-speech chase." KTLA reports that Annette Hurd led police on a 50 mile chase that topped 100 mph and she is currently being held in custody on charges of evading police with disregard to public safety, driving with a suspended license, throwing objects from the vehicle while moving, driving under the influence, possession of a controlled substance, reckless driving, and felony hit and run.
Also in today's news:
3 michael vick articles
Michael Vick leaves prison | Vick's dogs , Martin: Banning Vick from NFL is crazy , Should Vick get a 2nd chance?
And a crazy emergency medical proceedure that required the use of a power drill found in the custodian's closet to relieve cranial pressure.

Cnn posts conflicted headlines over conflicted youth

Thanks to Jerry for sending in this screen shot of ridiculous cnn headlines at odds:
Levi Johnston: Palins 'treated me like a son'

right smack above

Ticker: Levi threatens legal action against Palin

This ridiculous pair of conflicted headlines back to back is almost warranted given that Levi didn't know which side of the fence to lean towards. He was so confused in his interview with Larry King that he first claims that he doesn't have a lawyer and then his mom comes on and says they have had a lawyer for some time. He says that he thinks the Palins didn't know they were having sex but he thought they did know they were having sex. He won't kiss and tell about having sex in the Palin home but hats off to King for asking!

May 18 2009 Guy tries to smuggle 14 birds in pants

Another amazing, in depth animal report from Anderson 360. No real information was provided about the smuggler or what kind of Asian song birds were being smuggled or where he was coming from or how he got as far as California customs. Some conflicting reporting in the beginning suggests there were two smugglers. Coops makes some weird comment about having tail feathers in your pant legs which falls awkwardly flat. Overall pretty informationless, not unlike the wallaroo report of last week. Bandit, the wallaroo, was running loose in upstate NY and instead of seeing a map of Bandit sightings so people could keep an eye out or even a telephone number to call with information, I learned that Coops can do a bad aussie accent and was a "jumping champion" while watching a still photo of a raccoon race across the screen to the sound of a cougar. Coops says if you see Bandit- he doesn't know what you should do. Nice. It is all about you coops, it's all about you.

May 15 2009 Teen thinks yearbook shows WAY too much

Obama questions? Call Ed Henry, 877-266-4189 marketing plug for cnn radio- which is like the worst radio station. . . ever. I heard a mosquito warning telling me to use bug spray when I go into a mosquito area and for more tips check out "bite the bite" at the CDC website. Then Ed Henry came on and said in 6 different ways that he was not biased and didn't report on the flaws of democrats and liberals, especially Obama and Pelosi. Any time someone reiterates what they don't do that many times- the opposite can be assumed as true. Anyway- awful crap radio jumping from subject to subject with non-fact opinionated filler "analysis."
Ticker: Pelosi a 'big loser,' Gingrich says well, the exact quote is more like "Speaker Pelosi's the big loser, because she either comes across as incompetent, or dishonest. Those are the only two defenses. . . The fact is, she either didn't do her job, or she did do her job and she's now afraid to tell the truth." Cnn takes a perfectly legitimate inquiry into Pelosi's historical knowledge of atrocities committed by the US and paints a scene from elementary school recess. Check out the dark side photo of Gringrich that cnn chose!
This pottery club member didn't wear underwear on photo day and is concerned about a shadow in the picture that may or may not be revealing. She won't return to school but she and her mom appeared in this cnn video to discuss her embarrassment. The teen appears on the couch in short shorts with her legs open(visible shadows) and a big blurry blob on her face. The principal suggested they not talk to cnn because it would further exploit the girl, but the mom insisted.

May 13 2009 Burglars use doggy door

The family of this house hit four times previously by burglars is thinking of leaving the neighborhood. After three break-ins they decided to install cameras and found their dogs welcoming crooks with kisses and elation as they shimmied through the doggy door. They were dumbfounded that such a thing could happen. They would also be shocked to know that the fake rock housing the emergency key sitting alone on the concrete porch is also a liability.

May 8 2009 Oprah coupon has KFC diners hungry for more

There are many reasons why I find CNN news irritating and I would like to take a moment to share some of my top grievances.
1.non-news
2.prevalence of obesity stories
3.prevalence of fast food stories
4.journalistic sources like "Oprah"
5.news about what was on TV recently, especially reality tv or talk shows
6.cost cutting tips for housewives, which is to say any story in the "living" section
7. prevalence of mob or mob mentality stories
8. blatant lies/gross misrepresentation of history, recent or otherwise
9. confusing misleading or otherwise disorienting headlines
10. flagrant parading of our cultural recession and capitalizing on that erosion with cnn t-shirts


Today's story included possibly 9 out of 10 ! Yes, Oprah gave away coupons to KFC for a gratis grilled chicken dinner with two sides and a biscuit! Simply download the coupon which was available for a 24 hour period and present it to one of your neighborhood KFCs for the new grilled version of the perfectly rounded meal before May 19th (excluding Mother's Day, you cheapos!) Oprah did not fully know what havoc her gracious offer would bring. The web page was clogged and many could not download the coupon. Local KFC restaurants had inconvenient lines longer than polling stations on election day and many ran out of the grilled delicacy promising customers that the coupons would gladly be redeemed in the future when the cold storage semi truck comes again next Tuesday. Shannon Edwards of Baltimore said of the whole disaster "I'm a big girl, I like to eat. So I'm kind of disappointed I have to go to McDonald's now." Because of the mob, KFC has announced its "rain check policy" for the Oprah Kentucky grilled chicken fiasco which requires coupon holders to go to KFC and pick up a rain check form, fill it out, relinquish the original coupon to the store manager (or for the suspicious -relinquish 42 cents and an envelope) by May 19th and they will, at some unannounced time in the future, receive the original free dinner as advertised AND a free Pepsi for all incurred inconveniences. This means you have to go to KFC a total of 3 times for your free fantasy meal and once they get you in there you know you're sporking over cold hard cash for some of the colonel's spiced salted fat.

Also in the news today, a roundup of your favorite reality tv "news":
Will 'Jon & Kate' feature cheating rumors?
'Real Housewives' dish on catfights
TLC's 'Kate' deals with rumors of husband's cheating 'privately'
'Idol's' Allison inspired by Kelly Clarkson

and
British retailer admits bra boob-oo
Marks & Spencer apologizes if you were charged more if you bought more fabric


Thank you to all who waited patiently through my hiatus. Hopefully I will be back to drawing the news on a true weekdaily schedule.

January 20 2009 Bird droppings create problems for city

Bird droppings create problems for city
Residents of this Cali town feel "like they are living in the movie 'The Birds.'" Citizens try to get their shopping in early before the murder descends upon the town in the waning daylight hours. City officials take no responsibility for Mother Nature and refuse to clean the droppings layered on streets, cars and jungle gyms.

In positive news:
A nod of praise should be extended to the Mississippi paper, the Meridian Star, which finally apologized for its bad journalism during the civil rights movement on January 18th, 2009. Look forward to controversial pieces on social injustice very soon.

... while we can't go back and undo some past wrongs, we can offer our sincere apology -- and promise never again to neglect our responsibility to inform you, our readers, about the human rights and dignity every individual is entitled to in America -- no matter their religion, their ethnic background or the color of their skin.

They also worked in a lame comparison of the civil rights movement AND Barack Obama's inauguration to the bipartisan-less support of GWBush after 9-11. I thought it was also a little tasteless to preface the apology with the following quote by MLK.
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."
Apologies look more sincere when your refrain from qualifying them.

December 31 2008 Woman, 88, yanks nude intruder's testicles

Happy New Year's Eve.
Not really over at cnn.com

Poisoned kids cry in agony as parents worry
Tree limb from windy day injures tot
Driver uses scissors to fight off carjacker
Woman plunges off hotel near Disney
And if those didn't make you add a couple layers to your exoskeleton, perhaps this will.
Woman, 88, yanks nude intruder's testicles
The woman, alias "Jennifer," suggests to lock your door and have a security light to prevent such situations. And, yes, the intruder was caught by local authorities. His name: Mike Dick!