4.15.2008

April 15 2008 150-pound cougar prowls Chicago streets


CnN produced several really irksome headlines this morning and the associated articles are even more irritating.

1. Today, IReport, CnN's redundant section for amateur journalism, solicits submissions of "your Pope pictures, videos." here's mine.

2. Study: Single Parents cost taxpayers $112 billion which is a study assuming poverty and government assistance to children of single parents will be significantly reduced if each state spent millions on "marriage education." (i.e. get tax payers to fund the organizations that funded this study) Why not spend millions on free no-strings-attached birth control for anyone at any age, sex education that includes abortion as a viable sans-stigma option, and job creation? What I'd really love to see is a study on how much churches and marriage advocacy non-profit organizations cost taxpayers every year. No income tax, no sales tax, no property tax, and tax write-offs for donations. Tally that.

3. Jesus' image creates stir at hospital ENOUGH! The condensation on the Orlando hospital window formed the face of Jesus weeping or Johnny Depp. Click here for more sightings.

4. 150 pound cougar prowls Chicago streets which I mistook for an update on Ivana Trump's honeymoon. What's wrong with tranquilizer guns? These sharp shooters fired round after round trying to kill this cat, might as well have been slumber darts.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hello, I love your site - like many of the other commenters I found it via FF and you've managed to save me hours per week reading retarded news stories. To top it off I get the bonus of a handsome drawing per day.

That cougar was shot a few blocks from my apartment - tranquilizer darts wouldn't really have been an option since that neighboorhood has about 10,000 people in it about half of whom were walking home at that time of day.

Brian

kelsworth said...

Thanks for your comment Brian. I've learned a little more about tranquilizers today and didn't realize they take so long to work.
My original thought: if I were a resident or bystander and the police were
shooting like mad, i'd prefer a stray tranquilizer dart to a stray bullet. But now I think I would prefer a stray bullet to a drugged mountain lion mauling.
Glad you made it out unscathed!

Lauren said...

I just want to say, FINALLY, someone has put into pictures how I feel about CNN and its craptastic affiliates. Thank you.

I also completely agree with you about those darn religious orgz and their write-offs racking up scrilla for taxpayers. I guess it would seem too common sense for anyone to realize that providing outreach programs, family service planning, and more jobs works a smidgen more efficiently than chastising welfare moms. Whatevs.

Lauren

kelsworth said...

Thanks Lauren! It's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling moral aversion to these gold digging non sequitur spouting NGOs. I want to publish a study with results suggesting tax payer money flow to me instead of poor people. That way I can overpay myself to counsel the poverty stricken, thus reducing poverty and taxes.

SWAM said...

Do you ever sell any of these drawings?

kelsworth said...

I have been previously propositioned, but no follow through to date. Therefore, the pick of the litter is available for ownership. I am open to sale, barter, silent auction, reciprocal altruism.

 
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