July 31 2008 Yoga for dogs?

Two water beasts surfaced today:
'Fishgator' caught in lake
Montauk 'monster'
Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson and Elizabeth Taylor take up 3 headlines furthering cnn's spiral into Entertainment Tonight formatting.

Yoga for dogs?
or doga, looks like a mess of writhing pets and masters kissing each other on mats.


July 30 2008 44-pound stray cat bulges out of box

Two newsworthy cat stories tonight.
Jesus' face seen in kitten's swirly fur Video T-shirt if you lick its belly fur in place and take a picture of it. see also kitten with fur text.

1948 letter found in postal machinery Video T-shirt
Bear stuck in jug is shot
the bear was followed for 6 days and over 60 miles with a plastic jar over its head. Attempts at tranquilizing and trapping the bear failed the report claims. They had 6 days and 60 miles!
Body found in airliner's restroom


Abuse of Executive Power Acceptable, Encouraged

CNN pokes fun at the impeachment hearings, calling it a waste of tax payer money!
Yes, calling the administration out on its over 35 impeachable offenses is a waste of time and money seeing as how the checks and balances of our faux-democracy have been eroded by this administration and our tax payer money has been diverted to corporate elite. The mere idea of engaging in dialogue is a laughable offense to cnn, dubbed democrat "stagecraft." Much less the hilarity of holding someone accountable for crimes and abuse of power.
The "news anchor," apparently suffering from ADD, swiftly racks focus from Bush to a "Cute Baby!" in the background. This is one of the worst distortions of news I have seen in a while. See also: actual content in the impeachment hearings

July 29 2008 Airport screeners trained to read emotions

Legend now paints with tennis balls Video T-shirt Navratilova polka dots canvas with painted tennis balls. "When someone does it to the point where it looks easy, that's art."
Airport screeners trained to read emotions Video
Creators drop Scrabble Web knockoff - aah scrabulous

earthquake overload-


July 28 2008 Beer marathoners run, drink, vomit

This reminds me of running the Boston Marathon. The whole route is lined with friendly comrades cheering and handing you weird things like homemade oatmeal raisin cookies or glucose drenched orange slices. I recall grabbing a dixie cup full of water from some anonymous outstretched hand and slinging it back. I was shocked and then mildly amused to find I had swigged a shot of vodka at mile 18.


July 24 2008 Toy maker aims to shut down Scrabulous

An entire community was threatened today by the mere mention of scrapping scrabulous.
Scandalous, indeed.


July 23 2008 Fish eat feet in new pedicure

House passes mortgage rescue to bail out fannie and freddie mac with $300 billion in tax payer money. When they were making a profit did the surplus go back to the tax payer? Nope- it was wisely spent on campaign contributions and lobbyists! Further privatization of profits, socialization of risk.

McCain visits grocery store - at the end of this video, Too good to be true you can see McCain knock over apple sauce that was edited from the first story.
Fish eat feet in new pedicure -"that's just nasty" says one anchor. "that's foul. . . what is wrong with these people" reports the other. This clip also includes a "stupid criminal" story. Ha ha what fun they have delivering "news".


July 22 2008 Beaches plagued by gelatinous invaders

Cnn headlines the Time Mag Sci-fi inspired article, When Jellyfish Attack, about jellyfish along the coast of France. Chock full of invader references, the piece warns "there's more of that gummy pain on the way"


July 21 2008 Camera sees car knock man across diner

Huge math error in Katrina supply giveaway - a new twist in the katrina supply stockpile mentioned last week- oops $85 million was really more like $18.5 million worth of relief items not distributed to storm victims. Silly counters overvalued the crates of sporks at $36 million. They distributed only $36,000 worth of sporks to the wrong entities.
Loud bar music may get you drunk Video T-shirt I'm pretty sure alcohol is the culprit, but it makes a catchy headline`.
UFOs blamed for nuke missile failures Video T-shirt
more inexplicable to me - all 4 guests speaking of the military UFO cover-up are named Robert
Camera sees car knock man across diner Video
he finds his hat but can't seem to locate his smokes.


July 17 2008 Snake in washer scares woman

Today's "news" headlines:

WIBW: Parachutist misses target, hits band
Dwight Schrute plays CNN weatherman Video the nuzzler from six feet under.
Cows' No. 2 is No. 1 on this farm Video T-shirt
Biogas on a mass scale powers this dairy farm. number 2.
Shark jumps into surfing photos Video T-shirt
Toy radar gun scares speeders Video T-shirt a kid on a bike monitors speeders in his neighborhood with a radar gun.

Snake in washer scares woman
And then she immediately contacted CNN to come to her house and check out the 8 foot python. Not on my emergency contact list.


July 16 2008 Casino panel got items meant for Katrina victims

The cnn special investigations unit repeatedly congratulates its own efforts in reporting the FEMA stockpile of 121 truckloads of household items that were purchased or donated for Katrina victims and stored for 2 years. In June the items were offered to federal agencies and states instead. Again, Cnn performed journalism and sends a self-congratulatory nod its way.


July 15 2008 Wig-wearing dad robs daughter's work

Happy T-shirt Tuesday.
Wig-wearing dad robs daughter's work Video T-shirt
Actually a pretty brutal video of the dad being cold cocked
Look out! Driver crashes into bank Video T-shirt
Man sticks finger in big cat cage Video T-shirt

This video of Bud lovers
discussing the Belgium buy out is pretty great for the social examination of the Bud drinking community after the third pitcher and the montage of commercials. Belgium- out of Germany, right?


July 14 2008 Miss USA trips on gown...again

Three stories today highlight inspirational females:
Miss USA trips on gown ... again Video Cnn shows the fall again and again and again and again and again and again ad nauseum
Woman goes from trash scavenger to princess Indian woman who collected feces is crowned "princess of sanitation" in US
5-time widow loved cash, schemed, family says

Heroic troops repel at least 100 in Afghan fight Nice turnaround journalism. Last weekend US forces bombed a civilian wedding party killing 47, 45 were women and children who were escorting the bride to meet the groom. But Cnn reports on the heroism of killing 100 more afghans this weekend- yes killing, as in humans , not repelling, as in mosquitoes.

The military wants crusaders, not atheists


July 11, 2008 Shirtless Mormons calendar gets man in trouble.

Shirtless mormon missionaries in blessed boxers grace the pages of the "Men on a Mission" calendar. The man behind the calendar is facing excommunication for the inappropriate publication. Just in time for Warren Jeffs' release from the hospital.


July 10 2008 Germ warfare moves to the gym

Germ warfare moves to the gym includes a list of things you need to buy in order to go to the gym in this age of germ terrorism.

Rove ignores subpoena, refuses to testify
citing executive privilege, which makes total sense because presidents don't even receive executive privilege to ignore subpoenas.


July 9 2008 Less tasty inmate meals

This less tasty video explains the savings of serving baloney on white instead of PBJ's, the inmate favorite. Other cutbacks: water instead of tea and juice, frozen egg disks instead of real eggs, saltine crackers instead of cornbread. The sheriff says if they want peanut butter sandwiches, then stay out of jail and have your mother make them for you.

Clicky Web Analytics