June 30 2008 Furry outhouse among tops in race

If news of the administration gathering momentum for war in Iran was a little heavy for weekend reading or you are a bit nervous about that Swiss Bank account awash in untaxed earnings, don't worry.
Infinitely more entertaining is this video of an outhouse race in Minnesota.
As for the atom-smasher that could swallow Earth, I have no video diversion to recommend.

June 27 2008 Jesus' image on a marble slab

Jesus' image on a marble slab
Today's headlines are really depressing, a deluge of bad news so you can't focus on any of it. I guess that's the point.
Scientists bet North Pole will melt away this year
Teens beat homeless man to death
3 teachers accused of sex with students
I'll 'rip apart' raped kids, lawmaker vows
Afghanistan: Allied death toll reaches 7-year high
Boy, 2, survives 6 days with mom's body
Muskrats + showers = levee breach
Stocks slide into bear territory

2 headlines yesterday on issues upholding the Bill of Rights (handgun ban in DC overturned [2nd amendment] and child rapist will not get capital punishment [8th amendment], but the preliminary passing vote in the Senate over the unconstitutional wiretapping which already passed in the House [4th amendment] was buried. In fact, this article is all but confusing on the real outcome. Language like "effort to derail an overhaul of U.S. wiretapping laws fails in the Senate" was used instead of just bill supporting illegal wiretapping likely to pass. Kind of brilliant that everyone is focused on upholding two amendments which at the moment effect only DC residents and child rapists while in the background all citizens are loosing protection against surveillance without probable cause. SLIMY. Talk to your Senators before they place the final vote.

June 26 2008 Women spin atop escalator handrails

Women spin atop escalator handrails the mini coopster delivers hard hitting journalism when he asks a staffer to reenact an escalator swivel trick.

A report out shows that the major news networks have drastically cut back Iraq war news coverage this year.

"Almost halfway into 2008, the three newscasts have shown 181 weekday minutes of Iraq coverage, compared with 1,157 minutes for all of 2007. The “CBS Evening News” has devoted the fewest minutes to Iraq, 51, versus 55 minutes on ABC’s “World News” and 74 minutes on “NBC Nightly News.” (The average evening newscast is 22 minutes long.)"

In related/unrelated news: here is an interesting article about Ronald Reagan's son, the conservative talk show host, who has repeatedly advocated the death of "a traitor" on the air by firing squad, even saying he would buy the bullets.
"Tie him to a post, don't blindfold him, let it rip and have some fun with Mark Dice."

And by traitor, he means someone who leads The Resistance, a christian media watchdog group, whose latest project, Operation Inform the Soldiers, sends letters/DVDs to the troops in Iraq with information about 9/11 being an inside job. Here's a youtube video of him on FOX, which is amazing. I can't even believe he was given the platform to express himself as long as he was before being told that he is part of a fringe sect and his efforts (called hate mail by the impartial host) will be thrown in the toilet and the troops who are there fighting the Iranian-backed militia know why they are there. I mean, duh. We all know we are in Iraq because Iran has WMDs.

June 25 2008 Up to 10,000 'WTF' car tags to be replaced

Up to 10,000 'WTF' car tags to be replaced
Such fun was had at the correctional facility that manufactured those plates.

some interesting articles today-
Ban sought on bottled water tucked away was this video on a mayor's initiative to ban bottled water from government budgets- as it is an unnecessary financial and environmental waste. No mention of the health dangers of leeching plastic.

Obama using 'white guilt,' Nader says Nader gets reblamed for the 2000 Gore election loss and called a disappointing and delusional media whore for pointing out that democratic presidential candidates of any race or sex will always put the corporate agenda before the everyman.
Aguilera Exclusive Larry King interviews Christina Aguilera about the presidential election. WTF.

June 24 2008 Men with 36.6-inch waists face fines

cnn.com takes this story of a society in which the government is taking preventative action to curb a societal ill and makes it into a joke. Ha Ha the Japanese government cares about the health and welfare of its citizens and holds corporations financially accountable if workers are unhealthy. Ha ha that's so funny because it would never happen here. I mean, if the Japanese government just let their people get fat and unhealthy and sick and then denied them decent affordable health care, then a select few could get really rich and the majority of the people would be too sick, scared, poor and apathetic to demand change. Like here.
And the headline is even wrong, the men don't face fines, the companies face the fines if the health of their employees does not improve.

June 23 2008 Guy loses 80 lbs. eating just McDonald's

80 lbs. lost on McMiracle diet
I love this video snippet simply for the initial graphic in which bullet point text introduces this man, Chris Coleson:

• Vice Pres. of Operations, NEIE inc.
  

• He did not graduate from college

Details so fabulous and unrelated to the "news" report bulleted so they appear to be informative.
Mr. Coleson's diet chiefly consisted of his morning coffee from starbucks, Apple dippers with out the dip (a sliced apple), and something called a chipotle snack wrap.

June 18 2008 Naked frat boys run wild in street

Naked frat boys run wild in street

June 17 2008 Boy Abandoned at Wal-Mart With a Note

Boy Abandoned at Wal-Mart With a Note

Nancy Grace reports in this video with some of the best Gracisms I could stand to watch. The way she says"thu bay-bee" is not to be missed. She also claims the woman who dropped off the boy was overweight with her hair pulled back and therefore affluent enough to raise a child, steamrolling through what most people conversly recognize as a symptom of poverty. Another fine example of sensationalism delivered with crazy-eyed stone-faced hatred.

June 16 2008 Honey oozes from bee-infested home

Nice Monday!

• Honey oozes from bee-infested home
• Crabber gets juice from wind he cussed
• Time: How America's kids packed on pounds
• Women watch man get Tasered at party
• City farmers now hip with blender bike
• Bicyclists ride naked to make point

June 13 2008 Secretive swingers club irks neighbors

Secretive swingers club irks neighbors

A front page headline leading to a content-less story of neighborly dispute.

This group of Floridians stays up late nights to intimidate guests of their neighbor who hosts swinger parties. They shine their flashlights in car windows, shout go home and take down license plate numbers for their records hopefully to give to authorities. Touted by cnn as "community activists," this group of party poopers is angry that "they can't live a good life." Substituting late night spying sessions with something worthwhile would be my first suggestion. Joining the party is a close second.

June 12 2008 CNN.com readers holding on to big SUVs

CNN.com readers holding on to big SUVs
Cnn tries to convince readers that it's good business to use the most polluting, least efficient engines of the modern world to blow through the remaining reserves of a non-renewable resource by spotlighting dependent peers.

The first man offers one of my favorite disjointed arguments:
Technology will save us in the end, right? So continue to use the outdated and most inefficient technology currently available. They'll figure something out.

June 11 2008 Saloon bridesmaid hated dress

Saloon bridesmaid hated dress the most popular story this morning on a "news" network. aaaaah! I was doing some research and found that it's basically this people magazine article abridged and refreshed.
Nail stabs man's head; hammer removes it
Can you top this crazy cubicle? take a couple hours from work to spice up your cubicle and send a picture in to ireport.
Incest dungeon girl reunited with family
Paul Newman responds to cancer rumors verified rumor report
Bush: No regrets over Iraq Bush tells Iran there is a better way forward than isolation, but fails to explain why he did not take this better way.

June 10 2008 700-lb. man dreams of walk down aisle

Teen calls prom 'most wasteful event' that's one negatively charged headline for this report on a student's high-minded effort to host a "green prom". The student wanted to hold prom in the gym and give $10,000 to charity, an elevated idea that was quickly shot down. So she tried to get domestic flowers for decorations instead of crepe paper streamers, catered the event from whole foods, and tried to avoid cheap plastic trinket gifts like beach balls by handing out cheap plastic water bottles that may actually be used again. Ultimately, I'm just glad to see that the electric slide has not fallen into extinction.

700-lb. man dreams of walk down aisle
That would be awesome, considering the last time he tried to go out involved a tow truck to carry his bed which caught on some lighting conduits hanging from an underpass. (a non cnn article claims it was a post holding a shade tarp that hit the underpass) Uribe's 1000 lb weight gain "spiraled out of control after he moved to the United States for a few years in 1988 and indulged in a nonstop diet of junk food and soft drinks." (he is the world record holder of 1235 lbs, 550 of which he has lost with dieting and botched liposuction)

Hen living at McDonald's finally captured i'm not sure how this slipped by on monday

June 9 2008 Dead rat's belly hides spy camera

Dead rat's belly hides spy camera or a demonstration of tools used by the cia from the author of the newly released book, "Spycraft."

a double dose of Cap'n Kirk:
The joy of being William Shatner
Shatner on 'Trek': 'You know, that's rather good'

World's fastest computer unveiled - for government use in managing the nuclear weapons stockpile- and according to the energy department- to help solve global energy problems and "open new windows of knowledge" in basic research. Very interested to see how a fast computer developed for the weapons lab will help solve global energy problems.
This article from the future states that the computer will first be used to test climate change models before it is moved to a clandestine location for its intended military use.
oh yeah- it's craftily called roadrunner(after NM state bird) and it's built with sony playstation 3 parts with a price tag of $133 million. Seems like they could just build another one dedicated solely to opening windows of knowledge instead of pulling all nighters for non-military use on the original before it's tucked away in the super secret location- which this article claims is the Los Alamos National Laboratory.

June 6 2008 Surviving a flight with your baby or toddler

From Cnn's ever helpful "Busy Moms Staying afloat" series, suggestions for air travel with your tot.
Really solid suggestions like scheduling flights during nap time, unless your kid doesn't have a consistent nap schedule in which case don't schedule the flight during nap time.
Amuse your child with a crinkled, empty bag.
Bring extra snacks as reparations for the unfortunate passengers who have to sit next to you and your kid.
"Remember that flight attendants are handling food and therefore can't also touch dirty diapers, Pantley said. Plus, she said, they probably don't want to."

June 5 2008 Scared of storms, circus elephants flee

Very similar to the horse that broke free from a carriage in Atlanta, these elephants were not to be leashed during the tempests of the midwest.

In confederate flag news today: Rebel-flag-flying teens can't graduate

June 4 2008 iReport.com: Massive rebel flag over I-75

It's certainly a grey area to extend my exercise to ireports (cnn's outsourcing of journalism to its readership) but this one is like lipstick on a pretty lady.
Marion Lambert of "Flags across Florida" explains what the ignorant eye may not see: "a big flag up on a tall pole."

June 3 2008 Golf cart cops hear shots on camera

This Missouri police chief has added golf carts to his department for stealth and increased community interaction. Watch the golf carts in action.
Not to worry, as CNN reports, no one was wounded by the gun shots. No one was apprehended or deterred either, but there are Teenage Girls!


This "news" article stimulates my gag reflex. It's packed with quotes like "it is the coolest, most adorable baby on the planet. And this time they're having two? It can't get any better."
yes- "it" refers to a two year old girl and yes, it can get better. This is a story of "pandemonium" in celeb-u-gossip circles over the validity of rumors and Cnn is all over it!

June 2 2008 Pringles can designer buried in his invention

Ahh its good to be back.

Fredric J. Baur, 89, died in the beginning of May and now in June, Cnn runs a story of the distribution of his ashes. A portion of his cremated remains were placed in a Pringles can and buried in his grave next to an urn containing some more of his remains. Another handful of his remains are in yet another urn given to his grandson.

Space alien seen on video, man claims